И напоследок (опубликовано в английском издании, но автора я не знаю)

First Time at a Dog Show

First time at a dog show, I'll tell you quite plain,
I'll never, no never, go back again.
The breeder said, "Show him", when I bought my dog.
I showed him alright, the whole place was agog.

They gave me a number, they gave me a pin,
But I couldn't bear to stick the thing in.
So I rushed to the shop and bought some clear glue,
And stuck the card onto his rear in the loo.

We arrived at the ringside to find we were first,
In the pup class (this was the worst).
We marched together as fast as was able,
Arrived at the judge who said, "Up on the table".

This really surprised me, my skirt was quite tight,
And I just couldn't make it, try hard as I might.
The judge looked quite worried. He said, "Listen here,
Put the dog on the table, not you, my dear".

By now I was trembling, I felt such a fool,
But I said to myself, "We'll just play it cool".
"How old", said the judge, I heard it quite clear,
Well, really, thought i . . . and said, "Thirty, next year".

The steward, poor fellow, threw a kind of fit,
He spluttered and coughed, his eyes ran a bit.
"I'd have that cough seen to," I said to him when,
He'd finally stopped . . . but started again.

"Once around the ring, dear, as fast as you can,"
Said the judge, so I just ran and ran.
But when I arrived (out of breath, I'll admit),
The judge said, "Your dog, dear", I felt such a twit.

Off round again, I kept my head bent.
Oh, the shame: my pup crouched and just went and went.
A lady came running, a bucket and spade,
With manure that spicy . . . has she got it made!

We came back to the judge, who said with a frown,
"Stand your dog". Said I, "He's not laying down".
"You can take First Place Stand", he said. I said, "HA".
What a job I had getting that stand in the car!